Friday, March 9, 2012

Should I Stay or Should I Go

1 day = Normal
2 days = Still pretty normal
3 days =Sadly yes, still normal
4 days = Starting to wear on me
5 days= Really?

...After 2 weeks of no sun and constant Unhealthy-Hazardous level air you feel like shit. No way to sugar coat it. You feel physically weak and mentally exhausted. At first you just ask yourself "Why do I live hear by choice again?" and then as you feel out the situation, you begin to ask your spouse. As a couple you are right on the edge of depressed and finding it harder and harder to get out of bed. Singapore is starting to sound really nice and New Zealand doesn't even seem real. On husbands day off this week he worked on his resume and is going to prefect it this weekend. My husband looked at me over dinner and told me he loved me too much not to try to at least look for jobs elsewhere. He says this because I am a weakling and I wear my emotions clearly on my face. After two weeks I felt worn out and mentally beaten down. Looks like our time in China will be more like 1.5 years and less like 3. 

And then you wake up to the sun on your face and all is right in the world. It starts to get warmer outside and you feel a little more able to handle what comes at you. I wouldn't say no if hubs decided we were moving tomorrow but I don't feel quite so desperate. The hard truth of it is that financially we are doing well here. Sending more and more back every month and that is before my substantial raise next month (yay!) so as much as neither one of us loves it here, it just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to leave yet. We are constantly going back and forth though...stay or go...stay or go. 

I know there are other expats out there that go through the exact same feeling and it really takes it tole. 

I strategize where it would make the most since to move next and this is what I am face with:

Singapore: I could keep my job BUT the cost of living is ungodly so basically my salary would cover rent

New Zealand: Will and I would both be looking for new jobs BUT the cost of living is better and we could potentially put down roots a house, buy cars and have babies 

Anyway, add new health issues to that in the form of a massive hormone imbalance and this household needs some sun. Spring...please hurry. 


  1. I'm sorry :-( I know a bit what that feels like, though without the unhealthy air quality! It's a constant back and forth for me, too.

  2. I'm so sorry. I know this feeling all to well. Some days are better than others. Big hugs!!